


we say goodbye over and over again

by daemon



Category: Bleach
Genre: 5+1 Things, Canon Universe, M/M, Shinigami/Zanpakutou Bond, Soul Bond, Unconventional Relationship, Unrequited Love, Zanpakutou Materialization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-13 08:01:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16013708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daemon/pseuds/daemon
Summary: 'Sometimes, sometimes you don't say goodbye once; You say goodbye over and over and over again; Over and over and over again'Zangetsu was there at the beginning and he'll be there at the end.(five endings + one beginning)





	we say goodbye over and over again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [czar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/czar/gifts).



> There is some dialogue from the manga, with tiny differences. The lyrics are from "Over Again" & "Crossing a Line" by Mike Shinoda.

Zangetsu is indifferent to the sensation of warmth.

He didn't understand it, nor did he want to try. He is merely incorporeal, yet to meet a soul that he could embrace and find solace in. It's not until a new sun is born, bright and beautiful and so overwhelming, his eyes burn from trying to see it. This soul, when he reaches for it, is wild and untarnished, so hot and fierce; he feels _warm_ , and understand what it means to need it. He decides this is the soul for him, the one he will _protect_.

He feels cold when the soul returns to the cycle, and he hopes that one day he'll wake again in its light.

 

There's a boy standing alone on the rooftop. Everything is bright and vibrant, a sudden flood of color in his world and shocking even to him. There is warmth again and suddenly he is _afraid_. The boy is emanating it in waves, a taste of confusion and wonderment, as his gaze darts from one thing to the next in Zangetsu's world.

It is too soon for this, he decides. Too early for this boy to be here, to see him.

So he shies away and finds refuge in the night, watching as the boy's eyes widen and mouth falls open in awe, and Zangetsu can't help but _yearn_ for the warmth he met so long ago.

 _But not yet, not yet,_ he tells himself and sends the boy away finally.

 

Time is nothing to him, he doesn't think of it nor pay it heed. He realizes much time has passed when the boy returns again. The boy is a little older and a little harder at the edges, and though he does not hear Zangetsu's voice—

Zangetsu smiles, because even if this is borrowed power, it is enough. He gets a glimpse of his potential, a taste of that power, and feels something awaken inside the boy that he has not felt in years. So he let's slip a little more, loosens the ropes enough to aide him.

He smiles, because he _hopes_. And one day, he knows they will meet again.

 

_"Here me, Ichigo. My name is—"_

_"Zangetsu."_

 

Because the boy fights himself, the Hollow continues to taunt him. The Hollow, another piece of this existence, another manifestation of the boy's soul. It takes so much time to find peace, but eventually, as the years go by, the boy makes a deal and the Hollow relents. They find a jagged symbiosis—somehow it works—and in time, their shared power meets no limits.

As they watch the outside from within, he and the Hollow learn to live together rather than apart; a connection of their own, needed to keep the boy's power in balance.

Eventually, the Hollow decides to sleep, a nap, it says, and Zangetsu says goodbye again to another piece of himself.

 

They meet again when the layers of the truth have been stripped away to the bare minimum of it all. When Zangetsu has shown his face at last, shed the last few layers to reveal the deepest part of the boy's soul to him. Two sides of the same coin, the contrast and combination of each piece of the boy's soul.

When two of three merge at last, when the boy comes to terms with every part of himself, when he reaches the unfathomable end reaches to the hand inside himself—

_"Ichigo."_

_"Why are you crying?"_

_Loneliness_. So much loneliness shared between them. He won't meet the boy's eyes, he's not ready to face the hope and confusion he knows is there.

 _"Do you remember what I said in the beginning?"_ The words claw his throat just to escape despite how badly he wants to hold them in. _"'The things you want to protect are not the same as the things I want to protect.'"_

He felt those eyes on him, warm and sweet, determined and resilient; amber and golden in their worlds dying light.

"Yeah..."

The tears would not stop, even as he squeezed his own eyes shut and gripped the hilt tighter. It felt burning in his hands, all that beautiful life and power shared between them and pulsing through their bond. All of it, more brilliant than a million stars going supernova, more encompassing than a million more black holes; that is what it meant to be a part of Ichigo, to be a piece of his soul.

And it he would lose it all because he could never deny Ichigo what he wanted.

_"...what I wanted to protect was you, Ichigo."_

In the end, as the world around them begins to collapse and fade into darkness, Zangetsu smiles for him in farewell.

_"If you use this technique, you will lose all of your power—"_

He reaches for Ichigo, a hand skimming along his jaw and cupping his cheek. The tears slow to a stop as Ichigo leans into the touch, eyes falling half-mast and softening. It's saddening to see that expression here, the understanding and resignation, and the adoration he never hoped to keep for himself.

_"Farewell, Ichigo."_

 

Zangetsu is indifferent to the sensation of warmth. This is a cycle he is familiar with, a process he knows by rote. He is one reflection, a fragment of the soul he belongs to. He's used to a darkened world and a cold he does not try to escape, simply lets himself linger, formless and without an anchor.

He doesn't remember what time is anymore, so when warmth creeps in, he feels it slowly like an encroaching sunrise. Until it bursts, and suddenly his world is drenched in the heat of it, and the _sun_ returns.

And there _he_ is. No longer lost light in the ether, no longer a star on the verge of extinguishing, and no longer _afraid_.

 _"Oi, Zangetsu."_ Those eyes are brilliant and scorch his skin as they rake across him, _"Long time no see."_

Zangetsu smiles for the first time in an eternity, and reaches for his _one and only_ , and finds his purpose again in his arms, _"Hello again, Ichigo."_

(  _They'll tell you I don't care anymore._ _And I hope you'll know that's a lie._ _Cause I've found what I have been waiting for._ _But to get there means crossing a line._ )


End file.
